“Someone disappearing on you doesn’t reflect your worth. It reflects their fear of being seen.”

Side note: The Seal Pup was very understanding about what had recently happened between us in the bedroom, but not only that, he was still interested and willing to wait. I did really like him up until my little meltdown so I continued to talk to him, hoping I’d be ready to go on a second date soon.

The whole situation had shook me though. I was worried that I’d broken my sex drive, that I’d become a soppy romantic that couldn’t have meaningless sex because my heart was broken. So I was on a mission to prove I hadn’t gone soft, so I needed a f**k boy to help me do it.

Dating Channel: Bumble

Alias: Ghost Carp

The Backstory: I decided to try out a new dating app, it’s the feminist version of Tinder, as the women make the first move. I very quickly found a very aesthetically pleasing looking guy whose bio read: Not going to lie, just looking for a good time. He was exactly what I was looking for, if I couldn’t get my freak on with this guy, I was definitely damaged goods for the time being.

I swiped for him and we matched instantly, then I sent him a message straight away, there was no need for games, we were both after the same thing. He messaged me back within the hour and as it was a Saturday and we were already onto the subject of sex, I cut right to the chase and asked him if he wanted to meet later that night. I was out with my girlfriends for a meal and he was out with his guys for drinks, so he told me to give him his number and he’d text me later to arrange. I was delighted, arranging sex had been as quick and easy as ordering a pizza.

While out with my girls, I told them all about the dessert I’d lined up. But when I’d gone onto the app to show them pictures of him, he was gone. He’d unmatched me. I couldn’t believe it, what had changed in the 4 hours since we’d made plans. My friends seemed to think that I’d intimidated him, because I’d responded to his advances with more advances and according to my girls, men don’t expect that because a lot of them are all talk, and they can’t handle a girl who knows what she wants.

I’d encountered my first Ghost. For those of you who are not aware of the term, ghosting or being ghosted. It’s when someone you know suddenly disappears from you life and cuts all forms of communication. There’s usually no lead up to it, or clear reasoning why, in my opinion that’s why I think they likened it to death, as often everything is fine and then all of a sudden that person is gone without warning. At times, being ghosted can actually feel as though someone has died, because it’s not limited to people you’ve been chatting to online, or people you’ve known for a brief amount of time, ghosting is sometimes done to you by long term friends and partners. Its a horrible cowardly way out, it’s a slap in the face and that’s why I hate it. People need closure, they deserve an explanation as to way someone they’ve invested time, effort and love into has decided they don’t want you in their life anymore. Communication is always key for me, people deserve words and reasons.

Anyway, I’m ranting again. A couple more matches and disappearances later and I was beginning to think my girls might be onto something. I had a lot to learn, I didn’t think it would be so hard to f**k a self confessed f**k boy. I thought that a forward girl, who was only looking for the same thing as them would be every guys dream, apparently it’s not.

The mission continues.

Catch ya later,

Ren.